Sex and Making Love
My Letter to a Friend

I was wrong about sex not being the best unless you’re in love with someone, cuz if you’re too nuts about them, you’re not as comfortable cuz you’re worried about what they’re thinking … and then you’re such a giver that you make more of an effort to give than receive … and it’s not as good for you when you do that.  Friends I guess don’t worry as much and may likely feel more comfortable receiving.  First time I ever didn’t care if it was only for one night, since I didn’t care what the guy thought, I was completely selfish … for the first time.  What a liberating feeling to do that with a guy you think is hot. Lol  Now that’s sexy … to have someone feel completely free.  I’m guessing guys do that a lot, because often times they don’t care to make a girl cum.  The experience was externally terrific, but afterwards it felt empty, cuz it was sex and not making love.  So, yes the sex was great, but then there was an emotional letdown.

When u said sex was similarly gratifying with the girl you loved and your friend that you weren’t in love with, perhaps it’s cuz you reached a comfort zone with your friend that included the trust you said was most important, or perhaps your friend gave more, or maybe she was just better at sex so it made up for your not being in love with her … and then it seemed similarly rewarding sexually.  If you don’t look to equate sex with making love, the sex can be better even with a stranger, of course, cuz some people do it better than others.  So, you were right, sex can be better even if you aren’t in love.  Making love, though, is like passionate soul-fucking with intense great sex if you share love with someone who’s good in bed.  Can’t have that with a stranger, could have it with a friend I suppose if that friend’s body turns you on enough and you trust them and they are good at it if you pour the passion that you don’t have for the person into the act instead.  It’s the feelings afterwards that I include in the act, so I’m kind of confusing the after feeling with the act, but to me it’s all part of the sexual episode.   Having sex when you’re emotionally detached can be sad if what you really want is to make love.

Although it’s probably safe to say the best sex would be with someone who turns you on that you love and trust who loves you back and is very good at it, I’m wondering if I just haven’t evolved enough in my conscience with regard to freedom to give and receive love in the act of sex with a friend and be okay with it or with a stranger even if I never see them again.  However, what I feel is that I don’t want to give myself in that way unless I’m totally turned on with passion and unless I feel wanted, cuz I don’t want to be used … but I wonder again if evolving means sharing yourself and enjoying yourself sexually with anyone you want to as long as there is truth and love in it, because love is the fulfillment of the law, because with Jesus came the end of the law and that includes the marriage law, because we're all one in the spirit anyway according to scripture, and because it satisfies the great God-given need for sex.  

I think the way this needs to end, is do what makes you feel good in truth and in love ... and if it doesn't make you feel good, or you have to lie about it or there's no love in it, don't do it.

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